Sssshhhh!

There's something you should know:

There are certain times when you absolutely 100% should not interrupt a farmer. 

Most of the time Ivie is pretty receptive to my witterings, hilarious jokes and stupid questions (this in itself means he's a keeper). But I've learned that there are certain times I should keep these to myself. I've collated a helpful list.

1. When he's watching tractor porn
Just to clarify, this involves watching tractors, spreaders and balers doing their thing in big, flat fields. It's not naked folk on farm machinery. At least not when I'm in the house, anyway. He googles very specific things like 'HX 1090 baler with extra turbo in field in Northern Australia'. Probably.

2. During Countryfile

For non-farmers, Countryfile is the weekly farmery programme on a Sunday night that reports on farming from around the UK. For farmers, that's the programme no-one's allowed to speak during unless it's to splutter, "that's not farming. That's gardening!"

(I'd only been living with Ivie for a month when I first shouted at Countryfile. It was a very proud day for both of us.)

3. During the weather forecast at the end of Countryfile
This is an extended weather forecast at the end of the farmery programme that may or may not be correct by the time Tuesday rolls around. But still, it's important to nod at all the right moments and possibly suggest that it'll be too dry to spread fertiliser until Thursday at least.

Thanks, Ben

Being quiet is not my natural state, especially at the moment when Ivie is the only human I have close contact with in real life. The poor bugger has to listen to me use up my daily quota of words - or at least pretend to listen. I'll have to take the hint if he suddenly starts watching Countryfile boxsets.