Separated by a Common Language

Things you should know:
1. I'm not from round these parts (I'm from a galaxy far, far away, aka Selkirk).
2. I might never get the hang of it. 

I first started working in Wigtownshire six years ago this week. I soon learned that there was a whole host of new words and phrases to learn. For example,

• the last day. As in, 'I was in the top shed the last day...' 
• endless. As in, 'Those calves in the top shed were endless the last day...'
• gitters. As in, 'Those endless calves in the top shed were in gitters the last day....'

Just when I think I'm getting the hang of it, Ivie will say something else that I've never heard before. Apparently, when the alarm went off the other morning the last day, I was 'sound as a tap'. And the Covid-19 sign on the door isn't lying flat because there's a lirk in it. It's endless. 

There are also a few phrases Ivie uses that are deliberately misleading a bit ambiguous. For instance,

Me: How long will you be?

Ivie: Not long. 

Translation: anywhere between quarter of an hour and two-and-a-half hours.

Me: How long will you be?

Ivie: A wee while.

Translation: anywhere between two-and-a-half and seven hours. 

Me: Can you put those work clothes in the wash?

Ivie: Aye, I could do.

Translation: I don't really want to but I suppose I will if it means you'll stop asking me (see The (Wash) Cycle of Life).  

I've learned to ignore all of these and to be fair, there are things I say that apparently hail from further east, like 'wersh' (sour) and 'I'll be back at six o'clock'.

Other phrases I ignore

The thing that's finished me off, though, is learning that the farms Garheugh and Garchew are pronounced the same way. I give up.