Una, I Have Failed You

Things you should know:
1. I was warned

When I published my first blog post, Ivie shared it on his Facebook page. Our friend, Una, whose husband is a farmer and who doesn't have a farm background herself commented thus:

"22 years Rebecca and I am still learning. However, there are some tips I must share with you before it’s too late. If Ivie knocks at the window, still wearing working clothes, and asks if you are busy the reply is ALWAYS YES. Don’t hesitate or look in any way uncertain, this sign of weakness is used to their advantage and before you know it you will be in a field with a stick chasing cows (or worse being chased by them). This includes day and night, moving a black cow in the dark, who doesn’t want to leave her pals... So always remember to have a busy idea stored in your head that is far too important to stop doing. 

Prepare an 'I am interested' face... It comes in very useful when farm names, market prices, sheep sales, cattle sales, tupping, calving, moving livestock, silage, lambing, fertiliser, slurry, weather and the death of someone - on a farm somewhere, you have never met or been to - is being discussed. 

I am a slow learner, it took almost 20 years of life on a farm to acquire these two skills. Unfortunately, I was too late with my act of being too busy, I started with a keenness to help, don’t make that mistake. For your sanity please heed my advice."

2. I didn't listen

Last week, Ivie's brother and family were on holiday. Ivie had a cold. You can see where this is going, dear reader. 

How could I refuse to open and shut a gate for 20 minutes over my lunch hour? At the moment, it's all a bit of a novelty and I quite enjoy getting my wellies, boiler suit and hat on. I've even customised my hat with a purple Sharpie so it says Megastar. Kinda. 

3. This post mentions shite a few times

For the non-farmers out there, Ivie was mucking out a shed, which involves shovelling cow shite with a wee digger called a loadall. It takes a few loads so, without help, it's a bit of a pain to get in and out of the loadall each time you're going into/out of the shed. Leaving the gate open risks your calves going walkabout. 

Nosy cows

Slightly worryingly, I'm getting a bit immune to the smell of shite. Nowadays I don't recoil every time Ivie comes in for a cuddle after being out working. There are still times where I have to insist that the work clothes go in the washing machine instead of back on the next day, though. 

There are also little things I would know if I actually worked on the farm instead of just playing at it for 20 minutes every couple of weeks. You should wash your boots after standing in shite, otherwise they end up looking like this. 

I admitted to Una that I'd got roped into helping and her response was straight to the point:

"It's a slippery slope. Very slippery."

I'm doomed.